Doll
by SalujaAlibaba
Summary: He didn't really believe in the emotion called "love", but he thought that what he felt for her in that very moment was the closest thing to it. [Kuroaya]


**A/N:** We all need more kuroaya in our lives.

**Warnings:** Kuroha, just, Kuroha, that man is a walking TW.

As always, English is not my native language so I apologize for the mistakes that I might make.

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Beautiful.

She was truly beautiful, there was no way to deny it, she was so beautiful that she couldn't be described with words, a picture or a drawing, no matter how many words the writer knew, not matter how many angles did the photographer take pictures from, no matter how many drawing techniques the artist knew.

Sitting on a chair like a queen on her throne, immobile, eyes closed and mouth half open, not enough to see her teeth but it was easier to admire the colour and shape of her lips like that.

He looked at her, paying attention to every single detail, no matter how small it was he would notice it. He had looked at her so long and so intensively that he could remember everything about her, even when he closed his eyes the image of her would stay inside his head.

The only thing he regretted about that was that there weren't new things to discover, he already saw everything, sure, he could change her clothes, but that could alter her beauty, it wouldn't make her uglier, but it wouldn't be natural, it wouldn't be her real image, it would be an image created by him, the reason she was beautiful was because she was she, nothing else, a strange creature he could never understand and never would. A creature that couldn't be changed by him and who couldn't change by her own will anymore.

After all, there was no way a corpse could.

The truth was that he had already changed something in about her, after all, the position she was sitting in wasn't the position she had died in, but it was a good change, after all, she looked better than lying on the cold ground, with a red stain of blood under her body, dying her clothes and the red fluid coming out of her head.

And even like that she looked truly beautiful, the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, with nothing that could get closer to her beauty.

He didn't really believe in the emotion called "love", but he thought that what he felt for her in that very moment was the closest thing to it.

He wanted to preserve her, keep her all for him, admire her whenever he wanted, own her.

Yes, because he owned her, he decided that in the very second he looked at her.

But her position was the only thing he had changed about her, her clothes and head were still stained with her own blood and the injury on her head was visible.

Those things were also beautiful, she was the first who died at her own will, she was the first one who choose to die, she was the first and only one who he hadn't killed.

Maybe that was one of the reasons he felt so attracted to that creature, because she was a creature, she wasn't human that fro sure, humans had hearts that beat, humans were easy to understand, she was complicated, what she made him feel was complicated, so she was a creature.

But there was something missing.

She was beautiful indeed, the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, but there was something missing, he remembered her being even more beautiful. Or maybe, it was just that he wanted to make her even more beautiful.

No, it wasn't that, he didn't feel that it was that, but at the same time, it was indeed that.

He remembered her. He remembered how she used to be when she was still alive, not because of his memories, but at the same time those were his memories. They were just memories from before he became like he was.

He closed his eyes trying to remember how she looked like, smiling, laughing, that foolish girl was always smiling, the moments were she was serious were weird, the moments were she was sad were more difficult to find than a shooting star.

But he remembered one of those "shooting stars", he remembered the image of the girl crying, salty tears going down her checks.

And that's when he realized what was missing.

She didn't look enough miserable.

Because that creature looked even more beautiful the more miserable she was.

Still, making a corpse miserable was going to be difficult…

Or not.

He smiled.

He was going to make her even more beautiful, no, bring her beauty back and have fun with it, luck was smiling to him.

First he brought the little girl with girlish hair-pigs, the one who acted as she was the queen of the world and was so attached to the previous him. He had heard that they were relatives or something like that, not like he cared much about that, if the girl served to his purposes it was enough.

She put the blood stained body of the little girl besides the chair she was sitting on and he could already see the difference, the contrast between the two of them.

The creature was beautiful, undoubtedly beautiful, there was nothing else to add.

The little girl was ugly, horribly ugly, looking at her only hurt his eyes, the pain of her death was reflected on her face, with her eyes and mouth fully opened, time had passed since her last breath and that's why the tears had dried, but he remembered them, and he wish he didn't, something so ugly wasn't even fun to kill, normal reactions were boring.

But she was serving to her purpose, so he would just forgive her.

Still, it wasn't enough, something was still missing.

Thinking about it, they weren't that close, right?

What a stupid thing he had done, no, not stupid, just useless. Of course something would still be missing, if the creature were alive, she wouldn't feel miserable just because someone who wasn't close to her died, right?

Well, probably she would, that was the kind of character she had, always caring, always stupid.

If he wanted to make her look beautiful, he had to choose the next decoration properly.

And he had an idea of who could fit perfectly.

That's why he went and find them, once again he would have fun.

This time, there were more victims than he had planed. No, they weren't victims, they should be happy about being chosen for something like that, they were chosen to help the most beautiful creature to be even more beautiful, someone who has the honour to do that mustn't be called a victim.

There were six chosen ones.

Well, truth was that only three of them were really chosen, the other three were additions.

And there were two missing, he couldn't find them

The first one was the deceiving boy, he didn't even see it coming, the surprise was still reflected on his face, he probably didn't even have time to show his pain, or maybe he didn't even feel it, his was a fast death, a gunshot right in the head.

Then the concealing girl and the steal boy got really angry while the other three just didn't know what to do.

The concealing girl was the second one, he didn't really know if her last moments were beautiful or ugly, the tears were coming out from her eyes, she was shouting the name of the deceiving boy, there was despair all over her face, but at the same time, when she looked at him in her last breath, before he finished her, there was fury in her eyes.

Third one, the stealing boy, he tried to be a hero and failed, he was going to attack him to protect the remaining three, maybe even avenge the death of his adoptive siblings, who knew but he didn't even have the chance to, he was finished before he could lay a finger on him.

The remaining three were rather easy and boring to finish off, the focusing boy, the captivating and the queen, who he wasn't very sure he would be able to end with but was greatly surprised when he managed to do it.

He put them around the chair, not caring much about how they would end lying on the floor, they weren't important, their presence all alone was disgusting, the only reason he was allowing them to be there was because they helped bringing back that creature's beauty.

She was starting to look better, but there was still something missing.

He remembered once again how she looked when she could still move, her smile and laugh were the first things he could remember, it was annoying, that wasn't what he was looking for in his memories, he wanted to remember that beautiful moment when he saw her crying, when she was the most beautiful creature of the universe.

She still wasn't miserable enough. He could still bring more of her beauty back.

When he went to find the next piece he was greatly surprised. He had completely forgotten about him, or maybe he tried to keep him for the last, but definitely, he was exactly what he needed.

The father of the creature, there was no way killing him because of her wouldn't make her miserable, right?

While finishing him off, he smiled, he thought about how much she would cry if she saw that scene, if she discovered that her father was being killed because of her, she would cry, she would shout, she would lament, she would feel miserable.

She would be beautiful.

But when he out her father next to her body, she didn't look even more beautiful, she looked exactly the same as before.

He got angry, he looked at her from every angle he could, what was it? What did he do wrong? Why did she look the same? He couldn't find the answer and that made him angry, that pissed him off.

He threw the body of the man away from her, if he wouldn't help, if he wasn't able to fulfil the mission he was assigned to do, he was useless.

Truth was that somehow, deep inside, he already knew the answers to the questions he had asked himself, but there was no way he would admit it, his method was the correct one, the most she suffered the better she looked.

He went to search again.

Even if at first he thought that luck was smiling at him, now he thought that the luck that was smiling at him was bad luck.

Not only he was pissed off because the previous one had been useless, this time he came back just with one more piece, he went to look for two, why did he come back just with one?

Simple, one of them didn't have a body, he destroyed the device were she was with his bare hands while she cried and shouted. Usually that would amuse him, the desperation she was showing, how all her efforts to make him remember were useless, because he did remember and that was certainly worse for her. Normally that would amuse him, it really would, but that time it only made him angrier, her useless efforts were annoying.

And then there was the boy, when he realized what would it mean for him to die he hesitated, it made him even more angry, those two, why did those two made him so angry, was it because they were in love with someone? That useless, that stupid, that annoying feeling.

As angry as he was, he didn't even realize he had already finish him, he didn't remember what did he do, but he had stopped breathing and that was everything that mattered.

For a second he thought about just leaving the body there, but that would mean that what he had done was useless, and that would piss him off even more.

But as he thought, the boy really did make him angry, he was in love with her, wasn't he? And he was killed for her, he was killed to help her, wasn't that too noble for him? He didn't deserve it.

He tossed his body next to the others, he was the one who was the furthest from her, it was better like that, he didn't deserve to be close to her, just being there should be a honour for him, if he were alive he would be rejoicing.

It was disgusting.

What was more disgusting was that she didn't look as beautiful as she should.

She was surrounded by the dead bodies of everyone she had tried to protect, she died for nothing, she had failed, she should look beautiful, there wasn't anything that would make her suffer as much as that, if she were alive she would be crying her eyes out, she would be shouting until her throat couldn't handle it anymore, she wouldn't be able to smile ever again, the light of her eyes would disappear forever, she wouldn't be able to feel the happiness she loved so much ever again.

What did he do wrong, why didn't she look as beautiful as she should?

He was staring to panic, something that had never happened to him, never.

He stepped back, trying to deny the answer he already knew.

It was simple, really simple, he had been blind all the time, but why?

He also knew the answer to that.

That girl, that creature, the most beautiful thing of the universe, the most complicated thing he had ever see, because she was, even after dying, complicated.

Because she was dead, yet, she still managed to make him feel a bunch of emotions he had never felt before, emotions he never thought he would be able to have.

He didn't even know he had emotions.

He looked at her and felt another new emotion. He put his hand on his face, he felt another new emotion.

Fear.

Sadness.

Regret.

Love.

Those were the things he had never thought of being able to have, he still didn't want to admit it.

There was no way he could feel fear, he was the one who made others have fear. But he was afraid about loosing her, about not being able to see her ever again, well, she was his possession, it was normal to feel like that? No one wants to lose anything they own.

There was absolutely no way he could fear sadness, enough, he didn't need an explanation, why would he feel sadness? Because she was dead? Wasn't that precisely why she was so beautiful? He never liked her smile in the first place, he was glad she had died without a smile on her face.

The feeling he had when he saw the last victim dying for the person he loved was definitely not jealousy, after all, there wasn't anything to feel jealous about, he didn't want to die, he didn't want to be murdered, he was satisfied being the one doing the killing part.

What he was feeling was definitely not regret, he hadn't done anything wrong, he had killed all those people for her sake, he didn't do anything wrong, therefore, there was nothing he could regret.

He froze when he thought about the possibility he could be feeling love.

There was now ay, it was impossible, he, from all people, couldn't feel love, that was a joke.

But deep inside he didn't want to deny it, that would explain why did she look so beautiful, why he made all the effort of finishing everybody just for her when he didn't have to, that would explain why he couldn't stop thinking about her, that would explain why he felt jealous for the red boy.

It explained so many things that it hurt, all the feelings he had never felt mixed together.

He looked at her body and for some reason he remembered her smile. Why was it that in his memory, she now looked even more beautiful than ever. Why was it that he wanted to see her like that once again.

But it was impossible, because she would never ever move again.

She couldn't even breath, much less smile.

He lost track of the time he spent there, frozen, looking at her corpse.

Because that was all she was now, a corpse, a dead body.

The images of his memories wouldn't vanish, her smile, her laugh, her voice, he movements, everything he would never be able to see ever again.

He thought about how she would react if she saw the current scene, she would definitely cry.

For some reason, that image didn't seem as pleasant as before.

Why did he start feeling like that? He did everything for her sake, it was all for her.

Before he realized it, he had a gun pointing at his own head.

It was like an instinct, he didn't even think about doing that, as if the one who had come with the plan was another person but he could totally understand it.

He closed his eyes and remembered her smile once again, it was pleasant, maybe now he would be able to see it again.

"A world without you doesn't have a meaning" he said and couldn't help but chuckle, those were familiar words he had heard before from the queen, he loved to hear them, those words were truly despairing. He never thought that he would be the one who would say that. "I'll now join you" he said with his last breath.


End file.
